The Art of Avoidence |House|

[Dr. Lisa Cuddy]

Glancing quickly at the clock on the wall, and then at the pile of paperwork that had grown steadily shorter as the day wore on, Cuddy decided that what was left could wait as she made her rounds. She supposed she should also see a few people. Patients didn't cure themselves, after all.

Exiting her office, she signed the clipboard on the desk and picked up one of the file folders laying there. Leafing quickly through the pages, skimming the important information and skipping the rest, she looked around the lobby for the young woman the file described. As her eyes scanned each face, she happened to catch sight of someone outside the glass doors. Rolling her eyes and fighting the urge to sigh heavily, she turned roughly away from the door and back to the file in her hands.

[Dr. Gregory House]

As he was making his way to the exit and precious freedom, House caught sight of Cuddy just as she turned away. He was sure she had caught sight of him in turn, but that she didn't come out to harangue him about Clinic duty made him curious. Curiosity killed the cat, a part of House's psyche warned, but if there was one thing that House hated, it was not knowing the utter truth of the mystery. He wanted to know why Cuddy turned away. Hitching his backpack back up over one shoulder, he hobble-stepped over to the glass door and slipped into the dread hell that was the Clinic.

"So, I hear you and Wilson had another of your pow-wows today. Of course, you have one with him every other day, so it's no big mystery--" House made a sound of exclamation, "wow, that tight top really does it for me today. New wonderbra? You have provided fuel for the fantasy fire tonight."

[Dr. Lisa Cuddy]

She had honestly expected him to just keep walking. But then, Wilson had implied that something was more than a little off about the man. Maybe willingly entering the clinic was part of the change? She would probably never know, but she guessed it wasn't. Oh well, so much for hoping. But, he was here, and there was no avoiding him any longer. Although, she could always pretend to be too busy. It would be easier to ignore him if he didn't....say anything. Again, so much for hoping.

"Am I to take it that Wilson talked to you about it?" Cuddy asked smoothly, not wanting to cause too much more of a scene in front of the patients. Of course, deflecting his comments, however uncouth half of them were, was more likely to garner unwanted attention. Thus, she was at an impasse standing in the lobby. Answer, and risk causing a scene; deflect, and risk people wondering why she was deflecting. She had to do something, though. So, she took a deep breath and locked eyes with House. "What do you want?" she asked simply, yet with enough of a tone to show she wasn't in the mood for games.

[Dr. Gregory House]

"Wilson didn't so much talk about it as much as he whined about it, wondering why I was acting weird," House replied, "and I didn't know he had whined about it to you; thanks for confirming that Wilson is a little girl."

House shifted his gaze from addressing her breasts to meet her annoyed eyes. He cocked his head, ignoring her question, "am I embarrassing you? You've never been embarrassed by my lewd compliments regarding your state of dress. Annoyed, yes, but you've always been unflappable with a smoldering anger underneath. Even ready to shoot a comment back. You've got me thinking there's something more to your usual drama today. It can't be your period; you had it last week, which you confirmed by buying chocolate in the cafeteria last Wednesday.

"No, it's got to be something more. Something that would make you want to avoid me. What could it be? I haven't done anything to you that would elicit this kind of response, which leaves something Wilson said, or the ducklings."

[Dr. Lisa Cuddy]

This time, she did sigh, though not quite as heavily as she'd wanted to earlier. "We talked." Cuddy made sure to emphasize the word. "He seemed concerned about you, and thought talking about it would help." Pat answer, sure. But then, it seemed like Wilson was always concerned about someone or something.

Setting the file back on the counter and crossing her arms, she gave her usual half-cynical, half-sarcastic smirk. "I am not embarrassed. I am tired. I have a slight headache. And I am not in the mood to do this in front of patients." She would have added the suggestion that was floating around the back of her mind, the one that involved the two of them finding an empty exam room. But she didn't think that would go over too well with the diagnostician. 'Give him enough time, he'll suggest it himself,' part of her mind said. As for the remark about her cycles....."How very observant of you to notice that. It never fails, does it? At least I can still rely on your ability to notice insanely small details to get me through the day." There. She'd snapped back into sarcasm-mode. Which, in hindsight, was probably what House wanted, anyways.

"What do you want me to say, House?" she asked in regards to his last comments. "That I can't get over you? That I'm acting like a sixth-grade girl, avoiding a boy because she likes him?" Well, it was only slightly true, but with the sarcastic tone, who would know? In a more serious tone, she finished, "Your team hasn't said a word to me, and nothing Wilson would have said would make me avoid you anymore than you avoid me."

[Dr. Gregory House]

House was inwardly delighted that he had managed to elicit a sigh from Cuddy. From her, it was as good as screaming at the heavens on the rooftop. "You mean, you talked, he whined. I'm sure Wilson thought talking about it would help; he's a chatty Kathy that way. He needs to be needed, so he's creating a world where there's something wrong with House. And ooo, I need to be protected and saved." House said snarkily. "You ever thought maybe he might be illogically mad at me about his girlfriend's death?"

Finally, Cuddy revealed that this doctor had teeth and claws. House realized that he had missed their cat and mouse banter lately. He was touched that Cuddy depended on his stalker ways to get through the day. He made a mental note to buy her flowers and chocolates laced with ex-lax.

"Why Dr. Cuddy!" House said loudly, attracting the attention of several patients, "I had no idea that you had feelings for me. What should we do about it?" He leaned in closer, lowering his voice, "it's one thing to say that Wilson doesn't affect you; it's another to say that Wilson's words doesn't affect you." House paused, confused at what he had just said, but covered for it by smirking, hoping Cuddy was just as confused. "As for the team, well, they're kids. You're their mother. They tell you everything, and then when they hit puberty, they shut you out. I'm just the wacky uncle who encourages them to commit crime."

[Dr. Lisa Cuddy]

Wisely, or not, she pointedly ignored the comments about Wilson and his habit of whining about everything, going straight for her target. "Everything's about you, isn't it?" she asked, returning his tone almost flawlessly. It would have been perfect if not for the fact that she didn't really think he believed that he was the center of attention all the time. "And I thought he was over that by now." Really, though, she had no way of knowing either way, so it was a long shot.

Dropping her arms to her sides she gave a weird noise that could only be described as a strangled half-annoyed groan, half-irritated scream. Was it really necessary to make a spectacle in front of people that weren't used to seeing the two of them in their natural element? Although, Cuddy supposed it couldn't be helped. What was done, was done. "I would suggest something we could do about it, but it's exactly the sort of thing you'd go for, so I'll refrain." When did she start baiting him, again? "Wait...what?" she asked suddenly, wondering if he'd either gone momentarily insane or changed doses. "Never mind. And they only keep me in the loop if they're complaining about some drastic measures you want to try or the insane torture you inflict on two out of every ten patients." She wasn't even going to touch that last part. It wasn't worth her sanity.

[Dr. Gregory House]

"Of course, I am the Master and Commander of the hospital. After all, behind every great woman, there is a gimpy man with a cane making his machinations come to life," House cackled madly. He knew that Cuddy hadn't really meant that, so he poked fun at the statement. He sighed, returning to the heart of the matter, "Cuddy, Cuddy, Cuddy. Do we even know the same man? This is Wilson, we're talking about here! He was dating the female version of me, you do realize," he added, as a kind of nod to her earlier statement that the world revolved around him. It couldn't be a coincidence. Maybe, just maybe, everything was about him... He considered that for the briefest of moments.

Nah.

He continued, "after dating all those needy women who eventually married and divorced him, Cutthroat Bitch was a breath of fresh air before she slapped him down under her claws. Since she was dating the guy, she had better access than I, as his friend could ever hope to have at changing Wilson's bad habits. Let's hope it sticks, and he doesn't start dating needy women again who will only suck his bank account dry. That money's mine."

He wondered what suggestion Cuddy had with regards to his joke about her feelings for him, when he was struck with a thought. Did she really...? Was it possible? He was drawn back to her comment about the statistics of his patient saving ratio.

"Only two out of ten patients?" House wondered, "I must be losing my touch."

[Dr. Lisa Cuddy]

Ugh, she thought dryly. "With an ego as big as yours in this hospital, I'm surprised there's room for any work to be done at all." Ha! Triumph....unless that only egged him on. And then it was just another self-inflicted defeat. It was always at least a fifty-fifty shot, and no one ever knew which way it was going to go. "Yes, I realize it. But that was weeks ago, House. The fact that Wilson is even back at work should tell you that he's at least forgiven you...if there was anything to forgive in the first place." The patients that had been watching them earlier seemed to lose interest now that no one was speaking at the top of their lungs anymore.

"And God knows he's changed," Cuddy added with an eye roll. Was there a point to his complaining about Wilson, or was he just that into bothering her tonight? "You wouldn't need Wilson's money if you didn't spend all of yours on hookers, drugs, and scotch," she cut in scathingly. Okay, the drugs bit was a little far-fetched, but it fit with the basic message.

Wondering why he hadn't commented on her heavily-veiled innuendo, she smirked at his next comment. "Yes...the world will make sense once more when Greg House has to torture every single one of his patients in order to get them better and send them on their merry way." Like she would let that happen.

[Dr. Gregory House]

"I am aware that my ego pushes a space ten feet wide in the hallways. If only it kept the morons away from me," he snapped his fingers. "Oh, right, it does! Which is why I never do clinic duty. How can I do clinic duty when my ego leaves no room for the patient in the clinic room..." he paused, "maybe that's pushing the metaphor too far. Anyway, I can clear this room in ten seconds flat. Twenty bucks says I can do this right now. Want to take my bet?"

He didn't comment on her thoughts on Wilson. In fact, he wasn't sure that Wilson had forgiven him. He definitely hadn't forgiven Wilson, but that thought was for another time. He had to hiss a little at her comment his spending habits. "Oh, like you care," he muttered. His vicodin was his business and his scotch was his business. His hos were his business. Er, not that he was a pimp, though now that House had thought of it, he considered that had potential...

"But I do that anyway," he said, grinning winningly. "Everybody lies."

[Dr. Lisa Cuddy]

"You think?" she responded to his metaphor. "Do I have a choice?" She wasn't even going to mention her bet with Wilson...they'd finally gotten off that subject. Of course, she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to know how he was planning on winning his little bet.

Cuddy had the decency to at least appear affronted, even if she didn't feel that way. "I do care about your spending habits! After all, I sign your paychecks, so I'm paying for your indulgences by proxy." She doubted that would get an appropriate response, but after so many years, she stopped expecting them. She wondered if she'd missed her chance at throwing out her suggestion, but she didn't think on it too long...knowing House, he'd say something to get them back on that road eventually.

"Of course," she said. "And poor, poor me has to deal with the lawsuits." Although, now that she thought about it, they hadn't been sued over House's methods in a long time....oh well. Best not to look a gift horse in the mouth.

[Dr. Gregory House]

"It's nice to know that I can count on you to reveal your ulterior motive for your caring. I suppose you want a thanks for being my sugar momma? Daddy wants a shiny new ho, can I have an advance on my paycheque? Or better yet, do you want to take my bet?"

House wasn't sure if he could clear the room in ten seconds. That one looked a little green, and the other one looked a little slow. Lawsuits, right, he thought, half listening to Cuddy's tirade. Got to get her back on track or she'll never stop. "Uh huh, the bet?" House waggled his eyebrows, "going once, going twice, going..."

[Dr. Lisa Cuddy]

Was....was he....insinuating something? Did he want something from her? Cuddy knew he wasn't likely to say anything like that straight out, and she wasn't going to either. "No, you can't have an advance on your paycheck. You'll have to wait until next Friday like everyone else." Nice to know that some things never changed, at least.

"Fine, I'll take the damn bet," she caved in mock-annoyance, making it painfully clear she was faking her irritation. She didn't know why, but she had the strangest feeling she was going to regret this for the rest of time. She'd ponder on his earlier comments later, but now, she felt a sort of sick fascination at what was going to come next.

[Dr. Gregory House]

House grinned, "thanks for playing." He pulled out his beeper, made a loud gasping sound at it, then swung around to face the room.

"Everyone, I need your attention. We have an outbreak of deadly cholera in the hospital. Quarantine has been breached upstairs, so we need to evacuate!" House stepped back. He paused, as the people stared at him dumbly.

"Go!" he barked, and there was a mass exodus. The one whom he had thought would be slow was surprisingly quite quick indeed. "With that, I'll take my twenty dollars, and leave myself." He waggled his eyebrows at Cuddy. "You're welcome."

[Dr. Lisa Cuddy]

Raising her hands and dropping her face into them, she was the very vision of pure annoyed administrator. She didn't even look up as the sound of people tripping over each other reached her ears. When the sound faded, she could assume the clinic was empty. Finally, she dared to raise her eyes to the other doctor.

"Deadly...cholera....? That was the best you could come up with?" She sighed and gave House a sad face. "My money is in my office. Sorry." She ran her hands up and down her skirt. "No pockets." Shrugging Cuddy watched him. "And what makes you think I'll just let you walk out of here after a stunt like that?" It was at that moment that she realized he would probably walk out anyways, whether he got his money or not.