Draft Dodger (Cuddy - Mature)

[Dr. Gregory House]

House was in the diagnostics room for no apparent reason at all. He had no case. He had assigned his ducklings to various postings. Clinic duty. Shadowing Cameron in the ER. One had been duped into doing his groceries. House cackled with glee at that.

Which led him to the diagnostics room. He had shut the blinds hoping that Cuddy wouldn't find him, but he wasn't really trying hard. They had been avoiding each other since the "big gay reveal." House and Wilson had gotten their money. House had promptly spent his on games for his Nintendo DS. He was getting good at Metroid Pinball.

He leaned back in the chair and got comfortable. All in all, life was good.

[Dr. Lisa Cuddy]

It had been a rather odd week for Cuddy. None of the things that happened were odd, in and of themselves, it was more along the lines that they happened at around the same time. She had been eating less whenever she got the chance to eat. She couldn't ever seem to decide what to wear in the mornings. And when she did manage to find something, she changed her mind a dozen times. She'd even started wearing a little more makeup than she usually did. And that wasn't all. Her every other thought seemed to be about sex. It was like she was a young woman again. She couldn't explain it. So, she had to tough up and talk to the one person who could. The one person who might have noticed something she'd missed. The one person she'd been avoiding at all cost.

No one Cuddy talked to had seen House all day. She was on her way to Wilson's office to see if he knew where their mutual friend was. Of course, the quickest way to Wilson's office was to pass House's. So, she thought she'd glance in as she passed. As she came upon the glass walled enclosure, she noticed something was immediately off. The shades were drawn in the conference room. Her curiosity getting the better of her, Cuddy opened the door to the office, and walked in. No one seemed to be around. Unable to see into the conference room even from here, she opened the door and peeked through the blinds. There he was.

She was about to step into the room when she realized he might not help her if he knew it was her she was asking about. So, she did a little reflection. If she asked for a consult on a clinic patient, would he be more likely to give her a straight answer? It was worth a shot. So, she took a deep breath and pushed the blinds aside.

"Got a minute? I need a consult."

[Dr. Gregory House]

House would deny it to his dying day, but Cuddy startled him. He immediately lost the game he had loaded, but casually just turned the game off to give Cuddy his full attention. "A consult from me? Well, I am the final authority on all things consulty." House paused and set his DS down, a wry smirk on his face. He could be serious for once.

"Yeah, Cuddy. I have a minute. I can give you two even. What is it?" House studied Cuddy's face. She was wearing more makeup than she usually did. Hiding something? There was something different about her from what he could see. His eyebrows drew together in a light frown, trying to puzzle it out.

[Dr. Lisa Cuddy]

A smirk crossed her lips as she realized he was really giving her his full attention. That was strange. Maybe something had changed? He usually ignored her when she asked for something. 'That worked better than I thought.'

"Yes." She pulled out the chair closest to him, drawn to be close to him for some unfathomable reason. Sure, she loved him, but she'd been avoiding him for a week. "Clinic patient. Middle age woman presents with psychosexual age regression." Cuddy didn't really want to elaborate too much, afraid that she'd give herself away. She smoothed a wrinkle on the black knee-length skirt she' chosen to compliment the skin-tight red vee neck she'd finally decided on that morning five minutes before she walked out the door. "Says she feels like she's 25 again." As she told him everything she dared to, she studied him, looking for some sign that he knew it was her she was referring to.

[Dr. Gregory House]

As Cuddy took a perch near him, and he noticed that her skirt was slightly looser on her. Which didn't mean much to him. People's weight fluctuate up or down within 5 pounds in a day everyday. As she smoothed out her skirt, House looked at her, really looked at her. She still had a bit of a glow about her. A sheen of sexual energy. Her breasts were, if possible, even slightly larger, threatening to spill out of the red vee neck she had barely hiding her body from the imagination.

House made a buzzer sound, "boring! It's syphilis. Spirochetals are destroying the woman's brain. Swiss cheese. Shot of penicillin, don't call me in the morning," House turned away smirking.

"Either that or she's pregnant."

[Dr. Lisa Cuddy]

For some reason, Cuddy didn't really mind that House was looking at her. In fact, she was secretly delighted. Was he finally noticing her efforts again? Almost without knowing why, the way he was looking at her was turning her on. Completely the opposite of her usual disposition, she actually hoped he recognized her arousal. It startled her slightly to realize he was speaking again.

"It's not syphilis. She's had a full STD panel. No traces of even the most hard-to-detect infections." Ready to shoot down his next diagnosis, she almost missed his next words. Pregnant? It wasn't possible. She'd tried everything to get pregnant. Nothing had worked. House knew that. So why bring it up?

"Pregnancy doesn't usually present with age regression," she pointed out. "And she doesn't have classic symptoms." She leaned forward slightly, catching the scent of something she couldn't really place. Blinking, she had a thought.

"Are you....wearing cologne?" she asked incredulously, leaning back slightly, a look of shock on her face. Maybe he was planning on seeing someone later... At that thought, the corners of her lips dropped a fraction.

[Dr. Gregory House]

House shot her a look, "pregnancy makes a woman hormonal. Her body goes through hormonal changes that varies from woman to woman. Most of them get morning sickness, others... get randy. Get her to piss on a stick. If its a plus, we have a winner."

Startled by Cuddy's observation, he rolled his eyes. "No, I'm wearing perfume, Chanel number 5. Do you like it?" He scratched his jaw. "It's Old Spice, Cuddy. Not something to get excited over." He paused, unless she wanted to get excited over it. Then House would have no control over her. Not that he did really, but he could win their power games ninety nine percent of the time. It was all in the wrist.

[Dr. Lisa Cuddy]

She had to think of something. Fast. She couldn't outright say that she'd already tried that, wanting to be safe, and gotten a vague result that could easily go either way. So, before she even knew what she was saying, the words were out. "She doesn't trust home pregnancy tests...even if they're given in a hospital." It was as close to the truth as she was willing to get.

Inexplicably, that one simple movement had her thoughts turning in a very unprofessional direction. "I've just never noticed before." Raising one arm, she rested her elbow on the table, leaning her cheek against her fist. "Got something planned with Wilson tonight?" she asked casually, hoping her impure thoughts weren't showing on her face. If they were, she was sure he'd comment on it; if not, she could continue to fantasize without worry of being found out. Given House's record of noticing things, the latter seemed pretty impossible.

[Dr. Gregory House]

"Then take her blood. Use the rosette inhibition assay to look for the parasite. Which should make you happy and her insurance coverage very unhappy, considering that testing for EPF is expensive and time-consuming. More money for the hospital. Everybody wins. Except for the insurance company, but we all like to see them take a hit."

House paused, "of course, there is another way. We could all wait nine months until the parasite pops out." He said sarcastically.

Then he paused, "while none these diseases cause retro-sexual whatchamacallit, if the hCG is detected, might want to look for cancer or liver disease. Or germ cell tumors, IgA deficiencies, heterophile antibodies, enterocystoplasties, gestational trophoblastic diseases, and gestational trophoblastic neoplasms. Betcha you can't say that three times as fast."

House was getting bored. It wasn't that much of a mystery. The patient wasn't doing anything interesting or weird. "Then again, maybe there's no medical issues involved. Maybe it's all purely psychological. All in her head. A woman's sexual peak is in her forties after all, which is why Demi Moore boinked Ashton Kutchner." The expression on House's face said it all; he had no patience for the foibles of movie stars.

Cuddy was surely behaving a little oddly. Her pose, the elbow on the table, did some interesting things to certain parts of her anatomy. House was pleased as her breasts shifted under the tight vee neck shirt, the cleavage he could see pressed together like there was no tomorrow. "Planned? With Wilson?" House muttered distractedly. He directed a gaze to her face, nearly sweating at the look of desire in her eyes. What was he, Micheal the Arch-Angel? John Travolta he was not. His eyebrow nearly flew up into his hairline.

[Dr. Lisa Cuddy]

Cuddy rolled her eyes. Leave it to House to want to do expensive, time-consuming tests. She bit her lip, chewing on it as she thought of something to say that wouldn't give the game away. If he found out what was going on, there was no telling what he'd do. Instead, she shot him a glare at his sarcastic comment. Which probably wouldn't have any effect on him whatsoever.

Her eyes widened slightly as he listed off the various diseases. For some reason, probably the sexual thoughts still spinning through her mind, she loved watching him work. Actually work. Actually seem to take an interest in a patient. Even though he probably didn't, it seemed that way to her. And she was touched.

"Psychological, hmm?" she repeated, turning it over in the small section of her mind that wasn't currently overrun by thoughts of House taking her on the table. "It would explain the increased sex drive, and possibly the patient's inability to decide what to wear in the morning." Did she think that was really the answer? She was willing to believe it was just a little more likely than her being pregnant, just to watch House work.

Carefully judging his reactions, she nodded. "Yes. With Wilson. You two are together now, aren't you?" Nothing had been said between her or Wilson either way since their conversation a few days previously, so she wasn't sure if there was still anything going on. "Don't you go out sometimes?" she asked, slowly sliding one leg up and over her other one, crossing them, and smoothing out her skirt again. She tried not to let her apprehension at his raised eyebrow show on her face. Had she been found out? Had he realized this had been about her all the time? Or was there something related to her actions going through his mind right now? She didn't say anything, sure she was about to find out.

[Dr. Gregory House]

Some lizard part of House's brain was starting to sit up and take notice of Cuddy's behavior. It was sending urgent signals to his mind that he was observing the mating rituals of one Dr. Lisa Cuddy. She crossed her leg, flashing a bit of skin. Asking about Wilson was a smoke screen. She was testing him, feeling him out. There could be only one reason.

She knew.

Well, that had an effect on the landscape. A very fine landscape it was as well. House smirked, finally thinking that he was on the same wave length as Cuddy. Women.

"You don't care about Wilson," House retorted, "you're just asking because you already know the answer. So. What is it that you want, exactly? I could put my hand on your breast again."

[Dr. Lisa Cuddy]

Her lips quirked as she watched him. She felt a shiver pass through her. That smirk was doing wicked things to her sex drive. She wasn't even sure if that's what he'd intended. But, then, things don't always work out the way they're planned. Cuddy easily returned his smirk as she thought about her answer.

"I care about Wilson," she said slowly. "Just not as much as I care about you." She wasn't even sure why she was suddenly spilling her feelings, just that it felt so good to be doing so. Cuddy ignored his assumption that she knew anything. The pleasure center of her brain sent out jolts through her nerves as he spoke those words she hadn't even known she'd wanted to hear. "Are you asking purely as a reason for a medical examination? Or do you have something else in mind?" she dropped her arm to rest on the table, knowing that the movement would shift her breasts just slightly. Right now, she didn't care what he wanted to do to her, or why.

[Dr. Gregory House]

Not knowing what to say had never afflicted House but a very few times in his entire life. It did not afflict him now. Words rarely failed him. Sometimes they were not good words. Sometimes, though, sometimes they were just right.

"Cuddy," House said, "you are driving me crazy. Let's get right down to the facts of life. Seduce me, come on to me, hit me. Just do something. Just do it." House wasn't sure why he was quoting a Nike commercial, and just then, he didn't really care. 'Cause he wasn't sure which of them had made the first move, but he was suddenly kissing Cuddy, or she was kissing him. It felt damn good, like they were connecting on a deeper level than he had ever known. Like they just fit right, all the pieces.

True to his word, he put his hand on her breast again. Only this time, he put more of his feeling into it. Putting himself on the line, putting himself at Cuddy's mercy. He pulled away, breathing harshly. "It was a joke," he recanted, "Wilson and I faked everything. Stupid revenge, but also 'cause the money was nice. We're not gay. Maybe bi-sexual. Or pansexual. Something. Kiss me again, Cuddy."

[Dr. Lisa Cuddy]

As he had been speaking, she'd inched her chair closer to his, never taking her eyes off of his lips. A split second before it happened, there was a spark in her brain that sent the most electrifying jolt she'd ever felt right down her spine. Their lips met, and she wrapped one arm around his neck, carding her fingers through his hair, clutching the short strands for dear life. With her other arm, she propelled herself forward into his lap, her legs coming apart. Positioning herself with one leg on either side of his hips, she brought her other hand to the side of his face, her fingers tracing feather-light touches down his jawline.

Moaning as she felt his hand on her breast, she shifted slightly in his lap, her skirt sliding up to reveal her legs. As he pulled away, she locked eyes with him. Breathing heavily, she hardly heard what he'd said. Cuddy couldn't hide the seductive smile that crept onto her lips as the words hit her. "I knew you couldn't gain five points in twenty years," she whispered, leaning in to leave a trail of kisses on his jawline. Even before he'd made the request, she was already on her way.

Tightening her grip on his hair, she pressed her lips hard against his, her tongue tracing his bottom lip, begging for entrance. It felt absolutely exhilarating to discover that it had all been false; that she still had a chance. The one hand not currently massaging House's scalp trailed down to his shirt, her fingers trailing over the material.

[Dr. Gregory House]

House pulled away from the kiss, frowning in mulish House fashion. He always had to press his point. Never liked to be misunderstood.

"Five on the Kinsey scale means bi-sexuality, Cuddy. I'd have to be dead on ten to not be turned on by women. One woman in particular. But the five doesn't mean my attraction to you is any less than a hypothetical attraction to Wilson could be. Then again, Wilson does have his own particular brand of... why am I still talking? Kiss me, Cuddy!"

House surged against Cuddy's lips, taking all that she had to offer and giving all of his back. His hands pushed her skirt up, making her more comfortable, more accessible. His fingers encountered silk underwear. She really went all out today. Then he cottoned on. "Cuddy! You couldn't decide what to wear this morning? You weren't late to work; I have my spies," he added anticipating her look. "There is no clinic patient. It's you."

Suddenly, that knowledge turned House on more than anything and he hooked his fingers through the loops of her underwear, tugging them down. He started to lift Cuddy up to the table, so he could pull the panties down and off her. She was so hot, so wanton for him, his cock just surged even more. He could still remember large amounts of that night at his place. How he had come in her. It turned him on to know that his sperm lingered as long as five days inside her, hiding out in her fallopian tubes waiting to impregnate an egg that would never come.

'Cause Cuddy just couldn't have kids anymore. Which made sex right now even more fun. No icky condoms.