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Post by Dr. Lisa Cuddy on Jan 27, 2009 10:10:48 GMT -7
Cuddy was feeling better than she'd felt in a while as she walked to the cafeteria to grab something before she started the workday. It had been a couple days since the rift between her and her co-workers had ripped wide open. After that day, she'd done her best to avoid them unless it was necessary. And even when she had been forced into contact with any of the three, she'd been nothing but professional.
So far, nothing had been leaked to the media, and for that she was eternally grateful. As she paid for her whole-grain bagel and orange juice, she felt that nothing could go wrong...well, at least not as wrong as it already was. But, of course, Murphy always has the last word. Turning from the cashier to find a seat, she saw someone in the doorway, watching her.
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Post by indiansfan01 on Jan 27, 2009 11:23:51 GMT -7
Wilson had done his best trying to avoid Cuddy these last couple of days not because he was worried that she didn't accept him and House together but because he felt guilty about what he and House were doing to her. That didn't mean he was going to spill the beans to her like he had with House. He was having too much fun pretending to be House's lover. Wilson just wanted to make sure that Cuddy still considered him a friend.
Thinking she'd be more comfortable in an open, crowded setting, Wilson, with no intention of eating, had come down to the cafeteria. He had been standing in the doorway for a few minutes before he saw Cuddy. He strolled over to her and asked, "May I sit with you?"
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Post by Dr. Lisa Cuddy on Jan 27, 2009 12:09:07 GMT -7
Cursing slightly under her breath, she gave a small, forced, smile as Wilson approached. Cuddy opened her mouth to answer, but no words came. So she shrugged and gave a half-nod. Walking the couple of steps to the closest empty table, she slid into the seat and opened the small container of strawberry cream cheese. Doing her very best to hide that she didn't really want to be doing this, she glanced long and hard at Wilson, attempting to figure out why he'd apparently sought her out. Figuring that professionalism was out of the question, given the circumstances, she sighed and spoke quickly.
"James.....I know the past few days have been rough for all four of us," she started, spreading the cream cheese out over her bagel. "But we can't let this get in the way of our careers." Having no idea where she was going with this, she set down the knife and the cheese container. "I want you to know....I'm perfectly okay with what you and House have found together." It pained her to no end to say those words, and it pained her even more to know that they were not true. But she had to let it go, and if that meant lying to one of her oldest friends, she would do her best to forget about her own feeling for House.
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Post by indiansfan01 on Jan 27, 2009 13:08:39 GMT -7
Wilson sat down across from Cuddy. He folded his arms across each other on top of the table. He wasn't sure where to begin. So many conflicting emotions were running through him...Shame for what he had done to Cuddy...Love---real or imagined, he wasn't sure which---for House...Anger at himself.
Thankfully, Cuddy broke the silence for him. He didn't believe a word she said, though. Wilson knew she still had feelings for House but bringing that up wasn't going to make things any better. Instead, he said, "It was never my intention to get between you and House, Lisa. It just kind of...happened. I was surprised as you were."
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Post by Dr. Lisa Cuddy on Jan 27, 2009 13:32:28 GMT -7
She was sure he wouldn't believe her. But, thankfully, he didn't give any indication either way. It didn't matter anyway. All that mattered here was getting everything that had been building up over the past few days out in the open, regardless of how anyone felt about it.
"Don't worry about it," Cuddy sighed. "There's nothing between me and House that hasn't been there the whole time." She was, of course, referring to the way the two of them always seemed to be at odds with each other over practically everything. And she fully expected that Wilson would know that's what she meant. "I know. Things 'kind of happen' all the time." Even as she spoke, she had to force back all of the memories of everything that had 'kind of happened' between her and House since the day they'd met. She had to concentrate, and reliving the past was not the way to do it.
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Post by indiansfan01 on Jan 27, 2009 13:41:44 GMT -7
Wilson knew what she meant but he couldn't help think about what that statement might also mean. Maybe House's revenge plan would turn out for everyone involved. House had to be blind to not see that Cuddy cared about him. Maybe this was going to drive the two of them together...show them that they were meant to be together. But where did that leave Wilson? He had no idea. It was useless trying to ponder on those thoughts. Whatever happened happened. Wilson felt that he had no control over anything anymore.
Wilson smiled and said, "I'm glad you understand. It feels good not having to hide it any longer."
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Post by Dr. Lisa Cuddy on Jan 27, 2009 13:52:43 GMT -7
She returned the smile genuinely, a large part of her grateful that none of this was destroying their long-standing friendship. Of course, the small part that was left wondered what Wilson had meant. As tactfully as she could, she asked. She was sure it wouldn't change anything between them for her to know just how long it had been going on, since she apparently accepted it now.
"So...How long?" For some reason, Cuddy couldn't bring herself to elaborate. But she felt she didn't have to, even if she'd wanted to. If this was happening, Cuddy had to know how long it had been going on. She told herself that her sudden curiosity was a result of an administrative need to know her people. But every part of her knew she was just lying to herself. It wasn't the first self-deception, and it would most certainly not be the last.
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Post by indiansfan01 on Jan 27, 2009 13:59:48 GMT -7
Wilson regretted his words. House and him hadn't planned this deception in great detail. For all Wilson knew, Cuddy may have talked to House earlier in the day and asked the same question. All of that went through his head in less than a millisecond before he answered her. "We've had these feelings for a few years." Not saying an exact number was safe. Wilson would just have to remind himself to tell House what he said in case Cuddy ever tried corroborating it. "We were both too afraid to act on them...tried to move on with our lives."
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Post by Dr. Lisa Cuddy on Jan 27, 2009 14:24:27 GMT -7
Cuddy nodded as she tore off a piece of her bagel. As she slowly chewed it, she thought for a second that this all sounded like some strange movie plot. Blinking a couple of times as the thought processed itself, she discarded it. No one would watch a movie like that. Shaking her thoughts, she focused on what Wilson was saying.
"Well," she started, trying to appear contemplative. A thought had struck her that she could still try to figure out what was happening here. Hoping that her next words weren't too tactless, or suspicious sounding, she set down her bagel and tried to look like she was only making casual conversation. "It explains your several failed marriages." Cuddy knew it was a bad idea to bring his three ex-wives into the conversation, but it had to be done. She hated being curious, because then she couldn't concentrate, and she couldn't get anything productive accomplished. In a poorly contrived plan to hide her brief smile as she waited for his answer, she raised her glass of orange juice to her lips.
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Post by indiansfan01 on Jan 27, 2009 14:31:04 GMT -7
Wilson tried his hardest not to let the brief moment of anger he felt show up on his face when Cuddy brought up his ex-wives. For the sake of House, Wilson smiled politely at her, even managing a little chuckle. "I never thought about that. I guess it does....Must also explain why I dated Amber." He brought up her name because he knew Cuddy would have brought it up eventually. "The female version of House."
He found this ploy a lot easier than he thought it would be. It almost felt natural to him...although that was a rather scary thought.
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Post by Dr. Lisa Cuddy on Jan 27, 2009 15:14:35 GMT -7
Cuddy attempted to read Wilson's face over the rim of her glass, but caught nothing but the smile he sent her. Lowering her glass, she raised her eyebrows slightly. He'd said her name. Which meant he was over her, right? Or could he still be in pain?
"Hm. Yes, I suppose it does," she agreed quietly. "You seemed so happy with her," she commented, knowing his reaction would tell her if he was over her, or if the real House was a substitute while he tried to forget. Cuddy knew it was selfish and cruel of her to do it, but she couldn't help it. Part of her wanted to be sincerely happy for her two friends, but a quiet voice at the back of her mind kept taunting her with the idea that she was being toyed with. "You are okay now, right?" she hoped there was a sufficient amount of concern in her voice to hide the fact that she was baiting him. She couldn't live in doubt forever.
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Post by indiansfan01 on Jan 27, 2009 17:05:51 GMT -7
Wilson knew what she was up to. After all, he was House's best friend. Wilson knew every trick in the book. He kept all of the emotion from his face and met her gaze. "I was happy with her. I loved her. But I have to move on." Regardless of his deceit, he would've those very same words to Cuddy if she had made that statement on any other given day. "I'm fine now that House and I have settled our differences."
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Post by Dr. Lisa Cuddy on Jan 27, 2009 17:18:58 GMT -7
Damn. Cuddy felt her heart drop just a fraction as Wilson spoke, though she didn't show it on her face. This was for real. Their relationship was real....and her pain was real.
"That's wonderful to hear," she commented, not knowing what else to say. Actually, a lot of things to say came to her mind, but most of them involved getting emotional. And she wasn't taking that road again. As much as she hated to admit it, it was time to let go. She had to let go and move on, for House's and Wilson's sakes, as well as her own. She tried to tell herself it would be better this way, that she could go on without thinking about it anymore. And for a brief moment, she believed it.
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Post by indiansfan01 on Jan 27, 2009 17:26:53 GMT -7
"You could at least say it like you mean it," he said right back at her. He realized he was being unfair. He realized that he shouldn't care what she thought about him and House...Maybe if they were the real deal he would but they were just pretending. That was something Wilson had to keep on constantly reminding himself.
"I should probably get going," he said, standing up. "I'm glad we had this talk."
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Post by Dr. Lisa Cuddy on Jan 27, 2009 17:50:13 GMT -7
Ouch. That stung. How could he think she didn't mean it? She really was happy that he was willing to move on; Amber's death had been a blow to everyone. Had...had he thought she was referring to his relationship with House? "Wilson, I really do mean it. I'm truly happy that you can move on," she tried to explain, but as he stood up, she could see that he wasn't about to listen to her excuses and reasons.
Maybe she shouldn't have tried to bait him. Maybe she should have just taken it at face value instead of digging deeper than she had. It was too late, now. Instead of trying to get him to stay and listen, she merely nodded and said, "Yeah. I am too..."
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[My5:]