Highway to Hell (Angel) PG rated for Violence.

[Jackson]

Jackson had tried, he really did. After he had talked to Angel at the hospital, he had gotten in his 1957 Chevy Impala, black, of course. He had driven around for a while. His mood had been steadily shifting downward as he drove, thinking about Angel. She had always taken him back. She had always loved him. He knew that what he did when he was drunk was wrong, but he couldn't control himself when he was under the influence. Knowing that should have helped him stay away from the sauce. It did, a little.

Still, the call of the alcohol was hard to escape. The alcohol provided a separation for him. It made everything more cloudy, less sharply painful. For him, alcohol was the ultimate escape. Like going under the anaesthetic, but still allowing him to function, to walk and talk without feeling a damn thing. Not this pain that was killing him by inches.

He parked the car, suddenly. He just couldn't deal with the morose thoughts going through his head. It was like a grieving process. Only Angel wasn't dead. Angel and Jackson was. Their "us", the closeness, the tenderness, the finishing each others sentences, the lazy Sunday mornings and loud afternoons in his shop. The play of moonlight across her hair spread on their silk bedsheets she had picked out and he paid for. The love in her eyes when he was inside her, making her feel. Letting them both feel.

Jackson locked his car, picked a door and walked into dark, moody establishment. Blue strobe lights pierced the darkness, red bulbs shining, lining the way. The carpet was not clean, but nothing stuck to his shoes as he walked up to the bar. He tucked himself into a dark corner, ordered a beer and stared at it when it came.

It seemed like hours. He stared at it. The pain was so bad, he couldn't deal. He had never liked pain, feared it like nothing else. Physical pain was bad enough, but the emotional pain, the love endings severed screaming like nerves.

Then he was drinking. He didn't know when, how, but the bottle was half empty when he set it down and he waved the bartender for another one. It was six beers when the alcohol finally hit. It was like coming home. The pain cut out, nothing mattered. Nothing mattered but the next bottle.

He finally noticed his surroundings, the half naked women working there. A balm to his scarred soul, women were. They could never fill the Angel sized hole in his heart, but they did their damnedest, bless their souls. The other patrons of the bar were up close to the stage, cheering the women on as they danced. Others in private rooms wanting a little more.

He didn't notice the oncologist leave; he was like any other white collar American, but he noticed House right away. The man limped out the door, leaning on a cane. He recognized the doctor from the hospital that Angel worked at. Then he saw Angel, and he got so damn angry and jealous.

Tossing down some money, he made his way up behind her. God, this close to her, and to never have her again. Hurt. And angry.

"What the hell are you doing here? I thought you were a doctor? Or is it that you just pretend to be one and you dance for the gimp to pay it off?"

[Dr Angel Fraser]

Angel heard someone come out behind her, so she politely moved out of the way so the other person could leave. The familiar voice however made her pale. She turned around to come face to face with her ex Jackson. "Excuse me?" She said, looking at him incredulously. "Have you been following me?" She seethed, not believing the fact that he was here.

"If you must know it was a going away party for a coworker. He's leaving to move to Maryland, and we wanted to throw him a good going away party." She replied, holding her chin high. "I am a doctor, what I do in my spare time is none of your business."

It was then that her nose picked up on the tell tale scent of alcohol. "You said you were going to meetings... I knew you wouldn't change!" She shouted. She knew it, call it intuition, or more so learning from previous experiences. "I just knew it..." She growled. She needed to get out of here. "Don't follow me." Angel huffed, starting to walk away from him.

[Jackson]

Jackson stepped up to her, angry now. "I wasn't following you, cunt," he hissed into her ear. "You keep leaving me, and it hurts. I f*cking hate that feeling. I can't stand it. I have all these feelings about you, for you, and you just keep throwing them away."

Jackson followed her, incensed that she huffed at him. Would walk away from him again. "Stop! Stop walking away from me!" He stomped out the building, continuing their argument on the street. "You keep doing this to me, breaking my heart and walking away. Goddamnit, I can't do this without you. I don't want to, Angel!"

[Dr Angel Fraser]

"Breaking your heart?" Angel wheeled around to face him. "How many times did I have to make up excuses for my coworkers, including my mother as to why I had a black eye, or split lip or bruises on my arms?" She hissed, glaring at him.

"Look, it was good when you were sober. I'll give you that." Angel said, shrugging. "You're going to have to do this on your own. I've offered to be a friend, but nothing more." She sighed. God she didn't want this right now. She was still running off the high of dancing for Wilson and House, and this was just bringing her down. "I really have to go Jackson. Call me when you're sober." She said sadly, turning again to leave.

[Jackson]

Jackson felt desperate, and desperation can lead men to do things they wouldn't normally do. He reached out, grabbed her arm. Whirling her around, "please, Angel, just hear me out! I didn't mean to start drinking today. I didn't mean to, but it hurt so bad. I'm being assaulted on all sides here. I'm weak, I know this."

He fell to his knees, leaning against his car, still holding on to Angel. He couldn't take notice of her discomfit, her awkward stance. The tears were blurring his vision. "It hurts too much. I knew I shouldn't have broken into your office. I knew I shouldn't have done that, but I did it anyway. It's like I can't stop myself, even know I know it's gonna hurt me. Hurt you. I hurt everything." Everything was coming out, it was like a catharsis. A bleeding dry of all things toxic that he never had the guts to bring out before.

"Angel, I can't stop loving you. I won't. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I'll never have something that great ever again. Knowing that, it's too painful, it's cutting me like shards of glass in my heart. Like I swallowed broken glass and it's ripping me from the inside."

He kneeled, leaning against the car, feeling the cold metal against his temple. It calmed the pounding behind his eyes, but the need would always still be there. "Then there's the alcohol. I look at the bottle, and I don't think I want one drink; I want ten drinks. I want to crawl inside and never stop... because it's like it cancels out the pain, cuts off everything from the neck down. I don't have to feel my heart. I don't have to feel anything.

"And that... that is so addicting. I want that, because life is too hard, too short to be in this much pain. Don't you see, Angel? Please tell me you understand."

[Dr Angel Fraser]

Angel listened to him speak, his words chosen so well. Everything was so eloquently said, it tugged on her heart strings like it did back in her office. She knelt down next to him, her arm still in his. "Jackson, you need help." She said, running a hand down his face. "But I can't be a part of that until your sober." She soothed.

"I really would like to be friends with you, and who knows what would happen if you do manage to stay sober." She told him. "You still have a piece of my heart, you always will, but until you clean up your act, I can't be a part of your life."

[Jackson]

Jackson couldn't do it. Couldn't do it when he was sober, he didn't have the guts. He didn't think he'd survive this latest rejection from her. Not again. Infuriated, why couldn't she see what she was doing to him?! Aggravating woman! Why did he love her so much when she could do this to him, rip him up inside to pieces?

"No," he said, abruptly, strangely calm. "No. You don't get to do this to me again. I... Get in the car."

He stood up. He stared at Angel, straight in the eye. His hand was still on her arm. "Get in the car now." He unlocked it, squeezing her arm. It was full dark. It was New Jersey. It was winter. There wasn't anybody around who would care if she screamed.

[Dr Angel Fraser]

His sudden calm worried her. When he told her to get in the car, Angel tried to move away from him. His grip around her arm was surprisingly strong, but she was scared and her flight or fight instincts were kicking in. "Let go of me." She said, trying to wrench her arm from his hand.

"I am not going anywhere with you, not while you're drunk." She growled, trying to pull her arm from him. God, he was stronger than she remembered. "Jackson let go of me now!" She shouted, fumbling towards her pocket to retrieve her cell phone. "I swear to god if you don't let go I will call the cops."

[Jackson]

Jackson opened the car door and shoved her in. He grabbed the cell phone and smacked her across the cheek to subdue her. Then he calmly shut the door, strolled around and got in the car. Starting it, he put on Angel's seat belt, awkwardly maneuvering around her floppy, dazed form. Then he fastened his own. Shifting the gear, the tires spun and squealed as he cut out of the parking spot and into the street.

He turned on the radio and AC/DC's Highway to Hell was playing. He turned the radio up and just drove. He wasn't angry anymore. He wasn't feeling much of anything. He put his hand against Angel's cheek, stroking the soft skin there as he drove. She really was as beautiful as an angel.

[Dr Angel Fraser]

Angel struggled the entire time he pushed her into the car, refusing to go anywhere with a drunken ex. She went to scream, but before she could even open her mouth, he grabbed her cell phone from her and smacked her across the cheek. The car spun for a couple of seconds before she could realize that she was now seat belted into a moving car with a drunk driver behind the wheel. Things could only end badly.

"Jackson... let me out of this car now!" She shouted at him. When his hand moved to stroke her face she growled and snapped at him, his fingers hovering dangerously close to her mouth. If he was going to inflict pain, she was going to inflict pain back. "Stop this car right now and let me out!" She growled again, watching the scenery pass, debating whether she could just duck and roll if she opened the door now. "Please, just let me go..." She said again, her voice faltering. She was scared, scared because he had never done anything like this before.

[Jackson]

Hearing the fear in her voice almost made him pull over to let her out, but that wouldn't solve anything. It wouldn't fix this. He wanted this to be fixed. He couldn't make it another day without it just being fixed.

"Not until I get what I want," Jackson said, "not until you listen to me. Hear me. Feel me." Jackson drove in silence for a while, the scenery changing as they moved away from the city proper through sub-burbs. He found Cherry Hill drive and just followed that road for a while.

He didn't want to stop, didn't want to... he just wanted to keep moving. As long as he kept moving, everything would be okay. The radio still played softly, breaking the silence. He just wanted to keep moving. He had to just keep moving on.

[Dr Angel Fraser]

She was almost afraid to ask what he wanted. So far he was up on kidnapping, but so help her if he tried to rape her. "This isn't going to help you know." She whispered softly, pressing herself against the door, trying to get as much distance between him and her in the small confined space of the car.

"Where are you taking me?" She inquired. Angel was scared, for the first time in a long time, she was scared. She'd been scared of him before, but this took the cake on everything he had done before in the past. She just wanted to disappear right now. Closing her eyes, she started telling herself in her mind she was somewhere else, somewhere far away from Jackson. With House, and Cuddy, and even Wilson... At the bar, having drinks, laughing and having a good time.

[Jackson]

The scenery was nice, the snow gently falling amid the trees. It was dark though, not particularly well lit. He had flipped his high beams a while ago. He had ignored her imprecations, her statement that whatever he was doing wasn't going to help.

Then she had asked him where he was taking her, and he realized that he had to provide an answer to that one for both their sakes. He ignored the radio playing that stupid sad song, Mad World by Gary Jules, trying to answer the question. It seemed important that he answer it.

...'worn out places, worn out faces'...

"We're going to someplace where I can make this right," he finally said. "I would give up everything for you. I think I'm gonna do that now. I think we can get to that point where we can trust each other, rely on each other.

"'Cause I can't do this all on my own," he finally added, after a brief pause. "I need help. I keep trying to quit, but I had no one to help me stop. I mean, yeah meetings, sure. I've been going to one of them every day. I got a sponsor, someone who'll believe in me. It's not enough, though. I need you. I'll never break out the cycle otherwise.

"So, you see, Angel. Your promise of friendship isn't enough. Not when that is the weapon that's killing me inside."

...'no tomorrow, no tomorrow'...

Jackson had to laugh in his head, Gary Jules, art imitates life. Mad world indeed.

[Dr Angel Fraser]

Someplace to make this right? She thought to herself, finally opening her eyes again. "This is just a dream, this is just a dream..." She repeated to herself, closing her eyes again. She rubbed her cheek where he had smacked her before rubbing her temples. She was going to wake up, and this would all be a bad dream. She would find herself in her bed, with Shadow. She didn't want to know what he planned on doing to make things right.

"You don't need me..." She whispered. She shivered, not because she was cold but because she was terrified. "If it's the weapon that's killing you inside, then maybe you should just let me go, let me disappear from your life all together." She said, praying that that may make him let her go.

[Jackson]

"That's just it, Angel," Jackson said mournfully, turning his head from the road to lock eyes with Angel. "I can't. I can't let you go, baby. It's like catch 22, damned if I do, damned if I don't, f*cked three ways to Sunday. I need you there. I need you to help me dry up, and stay dry. Every time I tried it before, I didn't have you there, so I'm changing the variable. You make me strong, babe. You make me want to be a better man. One that you deserve."

Suddenly, the world started careening out of control. Jackson only had a second to realize that he had skidded on black ice, then they were drifting sideways on the road. He grabbed the wheel, tried to get them back on track, slamming on the brakes. The car skidded again, disorienting the occupants of the vehicle, and they were thrown violently off the road, through underbrush to finally crash against a large oak tree. The car was nearly wrapped around it like a pretzel, and the force of impact had knocked Jackson out.